Sunday, February 26, 2006

Lizzie Sunshine

SO: Did you know Liz Phair has begun covering Liz Phair songs?

BD: Really? How are they?

SO: Good. You can get them on I-Tunes, these stripped-down acoustic versions of her old songs. They're totally cooler than her new songs. [Long pause] I liked Liz so much better before she learned to play the guitar, before she got....

BD: A baby and a good attitude? Me too. [Short pause] Remind me never to get either of those things.

SO: I don't think I have to worry.

BD: I hope not...but you never know. Just keep an eye on me, OK?


Saturday, February 25, 2006

Delovely Delon

This is the cover of The Smiths album, The Queen is Dead which we all know and love. But I bet you didn't know that the coverboy here is Alain Delon, star of The Leopard and Rocco & His Brothers, both directed by Luchino Visconti.

Visconti, like Morrissey, had a keen eye for beauty. I will let you revel in it, a bit. Delon is a very pretty boy, who even has his own line of cigarettes.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Significant Seven has a list of seven "significant" questions that it likes to ask its favorite authors. I asked Bored Dominatrix and this was her reply:

Q: What book has had the most significant impact on your life?
A: The Journal of Bored Dominatrix.

Q: You are stranded on a desert island with only one book, one CD, and one DVD--what are they?
A: I'm stranded on a desert island equipped with a functioning CD player, a DVD player and a TV? COOL! I hope there's a decent shower with plenty of hot water too....

Q: Ahem. Suspend your disbelief. Play along. Answer the freakin' question.
A: Book: The Journal of Bored Dominatrix. CD: Bored Dominatrix Sings the Smiths. DVD: How to Build a Boat out of Coconut Trees and Escape from a Desert Island.

Q: What is the worst lie you've ever told?
A: The Mormon Church is true. (I don't really except to be forgiven for that lie in this lifetime. At least, I haven't forgiven myself. That lie is why I HAD to become a dominatrix, you know.)

Q: Describe the perfect writing environment.
A: A desert island equipped with a functioning CD player, a DVD player, a TV, a decent shower with plenty of hot water, and a brand new computer.

Q: If you could write your own epitaph, what would it say?
A: OK, now I'm REALLY bored.

Q: Who is the one person living or dead that you would like to have dinner with?
A: David Bowie, especially if he'd stick around for breakfast too.

Q: If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
A: Flying. (That way I could get the hell off that goddamned desert island.)

Friday, February 10, 2006

Valley of the Dorks

Saviour Onassis and I are both from Arizona and we have strong feelings about the entire state. Not only is it where we were born and raised, it's where our families live still, so we go back there fairly often.

SO's parents live in Mesa, a nasty, sprawling suburb of Phoenix. One of my sisters lives there too. The town has only two things to recommend it: a few good Mexican restaurants, and all these orange groves, which smell good (like oranges).

Over the holidays, SO and I met up. We went to dinner, went to a movie, and drove all over tarnation, because the Phoenix metropolitan area is just so stinkin' big. As I sat in the passenger seat of SO's nifty new car, I couldn't help offering the following observation:

BD: I really kind of hate Phoenix.

SO: I totally hate Phoenix! It's totally hate-able! It's so new and stupid.

BD: I always feel it's like LA without a beach.

SO: Oh, Phoenix is totally trying to copy LA, and act like it's in the big time. Phoenix is like, "Look at me! I'm a city! Check me out! I've got crime! I've got a pollution problem! Look at my new freeway!"

BD: Why is Tucson so much cooler? I mean, OK, it's older....

SO: Old things are cool.

BD: Yeah. But it's got a different attitude, too. What does Tucson say?

SO: Tucson is like, "What're you lookin' at?"

BD: What does LA say?

SO: LA says, "I know what you're lookin' at."

BD: What does Scottsdale say? [Scottsdale, it should be noted, is a spiffy suburb of Phoenix. It's where Steven Spielberg, Stevie Nicks and Sandra Bernhard grew up.]

SO: contemptuous, dismissive snort coupled with an elegant roll of the eyes.

BD: What was that again?

SO: repeats sound and gesture of contempt.

BD: Yeah, that's pretty much what Scottsdale says.

SO: Let's go to Costco and buy thing in bulk!

BD: No.

SO: Come on, I'll buy you a case of tequila!


Sunday, February 05, 2006

Groundhogs and Such

I didn't write this--a friend emailed it to me--but it's worth sharing:

Ever notice how often the State of the Union Address and Groundhog Day occur in the same week?

It is a strange juxtaposition of events: one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication, while the other involves a groundhog.