Saturday, August 19, 2006

Bruce Almighty

I recently watched The Fifth Element, because Dale said he liked it and if there's anything I've learned from blogging, it's that if Dale recommends something, it's not complete crap. Also I really wanted to see the context in which this tentacle-y blue chick Dale posted a picture of stands on a stage and sings.

I liked this movie a lot.* In it, Bruce Willis must save the woman he loves and a whole lot of other people as well (in this particular case, the entire world) from some great, intelligent, profoundly powerful evil (in this particular case, a giant fireball that occasionally telephones Gary Oldman while he's got a soul patch and a Texas accent--as clear a sign of evil as I've ever seen). Saving everyone involves shooting lots of guns and blowing lots of things up, both of which Bruce is extremely good at. It also involves a black sidekick who observes events and also has to help Bruce save everyone a little, which, as you will remember, is also an element of Die Hard.

Speaking of Die Hard, what I really want to know is why no one told me that The Fifth Element is part of a trilogy. It comes after Die Hard and before Twelve Monkeys, which also involve Bruce having to save the woman he loves and a whole lot of other people as well from some great, intelligent, profoundly powerful evil (in one case he succeeds; in one case, he fails). You can tell the movies form a trilogy because in each one, Bruce plays the same character. OK, there's some weird time travel involved, but remember that Twelve Monkeys is about weird time travel. Trust me, if you think about the plots and about Hollywood, it all makes sense.

Watching this movie helped me realize that I really enjoy seeing Bruce save the world. I get tired of watching him shoot things--there were a few scenes I fast-forwarded through--but generally, I dig him and the results he gets. If someone asked me, "OK, you and the rest of the world are going to need rescuing, so who do you want to do it: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis or Elijah Wood with prosthetic feet?" my answer would be, "Bruce Willis--no question!"

The Fifth Element
Directed by Luc Besson
starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich and the guy who played Bilbo Baggins, except without the big hairy feet

*The movie also includes enough of Luke Perry to be intriguing--like the fantasies of an entire generation of young girls, the movie makes use of him, then discards him and moves on.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Kidnapped and Sold into Slavery

I think that just being alive is so much work at something you don't always want to do. Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery.--Andy Warhol, The Philosophy of Andy Warhol